As someone who's had their car and apartment broken into, I have some sympathy for the presumably frustrated author of this note:
At least until the second bullet point and the cheery greeting.
Alarm is loud as heck and will disturb nearby residents
I have a lot of questions, but to focus on just one: Which god is it that encourages hostage-taking?
Okay, and a followup: In 2016, does anyone who hears a car alarm (and setting aside that 99%+ of car alarms are false alarms) ever take action to deter a car theft, or do we all silently pray for the car thief to succeed, as quickly as possible?